


nicknames

by the_fluffy_unicorn



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, BUT I MADE IT ALL BETTER, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, In the end, M/M, Pain, Sabriel - Relationship - Freeform, im sorry, like SO MUCH PAIN, mostly angst, seriously though there should be an archive warning for Graphic Depictions of Suffering or something, with a tiny bit of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-29
Updated: 2016-03-29
Packaged: 2018-05-30 00:29:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6400231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_fluffy_unicorn/pseuds/the_fluffy_unicorn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>soo I got this anonymous ask on tumblr: "What are all the nicknames you can think of that Gabriel would use for Sam?" and I... really don't have a good explanation for all the pain that I wrote??? I'M SO SO SO SORRY THE ONLY WEAK EXCUSE THAT I HAVE IS THAT I MADE IT BETTER IN THE END?? okay and now I'm gonna try for a coherent summary here we go</p><p>Castiel brings Gabriel to the bunker after he discovers that the archangel is not only alive but has been held captive by Metatron, and it's up to Sam to try and help Gabriel find a way back to his own sanity.</p>
            </blockquote>





	nicknames

When Gabriel appears in the bunker for the first time, he doesn’t say much: he is held upright by Castiel, and the second they land before the baffled brothers he shoots them a weak smile and passes out.

The look on Castiel's face tells Sam that Gabriel isn’t dead yet, and Castiel is determined to keep him that way.

They usher the angels into a spare room, and Castiel sets to work on Gabriel's injuries, using as much of his own grace as he can spare. As soon as he’s done he proceeds to explain to the brothers that Gabriel had been held captive by Metatron without any chance of escaping, and that once Metatron was gone some angels discovered his secret headquarters, found Gabriel and decided to torture him because apparently they held some personal grudge against him. Gabriel, being powered down by an artefact designed specifically as a weapon against the archangels, wasn’t able to fight back. However, those angels were dumb enough to brag about it over angel radio, and Castiel was there just in time.

Then Castiel asks them if they could let Gabriel stay in the bunker until he is back at full power. Dean starts yelling almost immediately, and all of his arguments can be narrowed down to _‘it wouldn’t be fair to Sam’_ . After a minute or two Sam snaps at his brother, saying that perhaps _he_ should be the one to decide what’s fair and what’s not fair to him. That shuts Dean up effectively, and Sam is finally able to tell Castiel that as far as he is concerned, Gabriel is welcome to stay with them as long as he wants to.

When Castiel leaves to go deal with those asshole angels, Dean asks Sam why he would want Gabriel there, after everything that he’d done to him – to them. Sam shrugs and says that it has nothing to do with some past mistakes or forgiveness or redemption – although he understands Gabriel's motivation and doesn’t hold it against him – but it has everything to do with the fact that Castiel is a part of their family and Gabriel is his brother. Dean is silent for a very, very long time, and when he finally speaks he simply says _‘yeah, okay’_ and that’s that.

Gabriel remains unconscious for almost a fortnight, with Castiel popping in occasionally to check up on him. Dean is out for most of that time, going on hunts with Castiel in tow because he is itching to do _something_ while they still haven’t got the slightest clue on how to deal with Amara. That leaves Sam on Gabriel duty, and Sam discovers that he doesn’t mind it in the slightest. He often finds himself sitting by Gabriel's bed with a book, the presence of the archangel weirdly comforting, despite the fact that at the moment there’s no more life in him than in a dead body.

When Gabriel finally wakes up, his first words are _‘hey Sam’_ , because Sam is there, sprawled in a chair by Gabriel's bed and nodding off over some book. Sam is happy to see him awake, and he calls Castiel immediately to share the good news.

Gabriel is quiet, too quiet, and that feels off. All those small, forced half-smiles and terse answers have nothing to do with the trickster or the archangel Sam used to know, and granted, Sam didn’t know Gabriel all that well – or long – before, but he feels that this just isn’t _right_. All three of them – Sam and Castiel make sure that Dean does it, too – tell Gabriel that he is welcome to stay at the bunker for as long as he wants to, and he thanks them and doesn’t say anything else, and it’s quiet, too quiet; and Sam isn’t sure why yet, but his heart aches.

Castiel says that Gabriel should treat his vessel as if he were human; it’s only temporary, but it’s necessary so that his grace is able to heal. Gabriel nods in agreement and soon falls asleep – this time he looks like a sleeping person, not a corpse – and Sam thinks that maybe, _maybe_ everything will be okay and Gabriel is like that because he is simply exhausted.

But his oddly quiet behaviour doesn’t change. He tries to stay out of everyone’s way, spending most of the time in his room, sitting on the bed or staring out of the window. He never asks for anything and always eats all the food that he’s given, even all the healthy stuff that Sam is absolutely sure should make him cringe at least. His face remains a blank, angel-like mask that reminds Sam of the early version of Castiel, and that is wrong, so _wrong_ that Sam can’t even begin to put it into words, even for himself; all he can do is clench his fists and force the ache out of his heart and Gabriel out of his thoughts. At least for a few minutes, so that he can take a deep breath and fall asleep at night.

He’s not sure what made his insomnia worse – the constant worry about Gabriel simmering in the back of his mind or a rather unpleasant run-in with the dreamwalkers they had on their last hunt – but for once he is grateful for it, because he gets up in the middle of the night and goes to the kitchen to get a glass of water, and when he’s walking past Gabriel's room on his way back he hears something. Something that sounds suspiciously like muffled sobbing.

He knocks on the door and waits for a beat before walking in, and he is greeted by Gabriel's tear-stained face, an apologetic smile and a quiet-

“Hey, Sam, did I wake you?”

Sam shakes his head and offers Gabriel the glass of water he’s still holding.

“Can I… help?” he says, and it’s a bit awkward, because he isn’t sure if he’s overstepping, but he simply cannot leave as if nothing happened.

Gabriel lifts a shoulder and his smile becomes wry, bitter, worn-out – and it’s the first glimpse of _the real Gabriel_ Sam has seen ever since Castiel brought him to the bunker.

“It was just a nightmare,” Gabriel says. “Nothing you can do about that.”

Sam is stubborn. “Yeah, well, I can listen,” he says and plops down into a chair by Gabriel's bed.

Gabriel doesn’t say anything, he just sits there, looking at Sam, unblinking, unmoving. It’s very unnerving to say the least, and Sam squirms under the scrutinizing stare.

“Alright then, Samuel Freud, let’s see if you can analyse this,” Gabriel says all of a sudden, and then he’s not looking at Sam any longer.

“So, this one was nothing new. I was back at Metatron’s, acting in one of his little stories yet again, his favourite one – about you and Dean and Cassie all coming to rescue me. It’s all sunshine and rainbows while you’re at it, the three of you beating the shit out of the bastard, and the only thing I’m regretting there is the fact that I’m restrained and cannot join you. But then…”

Gabriel pauses, drawing in a breath. His eyes are closed, head resting against the wall, and Sam notices that he’s shaking slightly. He’s managing to keep most of it under control, but it’s there nevertheless.

“That part Metatron liked to vary. Sometimes it was Dean. Sometimes Cassie. Sometimes all three of you. You’d come up to me when you were done with Metatron, as if you were going to free me and get me the hell away from there, but you’d start laughing, just going on and on and on laughing, and then Metatron would get up as if nothing happened and join you, and you’d be saying all kinds of stupid things to get to me – like you were happy that I was finally locked up away from everyone, that I deserved all this and even more, stuff like that. I know it sounds stupid when I tell it like that, I mean, nothing new or original there, why should it bother me at all? But the thing is – Metatron is nothing but unoriginal, it’s all clichés and worn-out tropes with him – but he’s very good at getting his hands on pretty nasty artefacts. So nasty that they enabled him to make his little illusions feel almost real. Almost. With time, I managed to catch that barely there feeling, an aftertaste of sorts that pointed out it was just an illusion. But I could never tell whether I really managed to catch it or it was just my imagination.”

Gabriel falls silent again, just for a few seconds, and Sam's stomach churns, because he’s almost sure what he’s going to hear next.

“Usually the only thing that could confirm that it was indeed an illusion was Metatron himself. He really loved to come to me after it was all over and gloat. He would go on and on about how awesome he was and how his illusions were better than mine because he managed to trick the trickster. But what he failed to understand was – his visits kept me sane. Him visiting me was the best proof that whatever I saw or felt before was just an illusion. And I’m sure you’ve figured it out by now that some part of me is still waiting for him to show up.”

Sam is still, still and silent, even though everything inside him is boiling with rage, and he wants to scream and punch his fists in the wall, because this? This is familiar, _too familiar_ , and he doesn’t want to remember, he refuses to remember, he _will not-_

“Sam?”

Gabriel's hand cautiously touches Sam on the shoulder as he says his name, and Sam flinches, he can’t help but flinch, and he regrets it immediately, _I didn’t mean to,_ he wants to say, _Gabriel, I didn’t mean to, I’m sorry_ – but no sound comes out of his mouth, and he realizes, belatedly, that he is shaking and that there are silent tears streaming down his face. He tries to stop, tries to force himself to take deep breaths, but there isn’t enough air, and there’s that ringing in his ears and – Gabriel's concerned face fills his vision, Gabriel is saying something, but Sam can’t hear the words, all he can hear is _noise,_ and then Gabriel says it again, slowly, and Sam is able to read his lips – _‘okay if I touch you?’_ – and he manages to nod, and then Gabriel's hand is on his forehead and the ringing is gone and he can breathe again.

Gabriel retrieves his hand and moves back to the bed. Sam takes a deep breath, exhaling slowly, the clammy hands of the panic attack no longer gripping at his insides.

“Sorry,” he says, offering Gabriel a weak smile. “I wasn’t – didn’t mean to-”

“Don’t worry,” Gabriel says, and Sam notices that his face isn’t a blank mask any longer. Now he just looks tired.

“Flashbacks,” Sam offers as an explanation. It’s still a little difficult to form coherent sentences, so he doesn’t bother. “Lucifer. The cage.”

Gabriel visibly winces at that.

“I’m so sorry, kiddo.”

“No – it’s – you shouldn’t,” Sam manages to stammer out, and suddenly he’s laughing, maybe just a little on the side of hysterical.

Gabriel is smiling and frowning at the same time, and then he reaches out for the glass of water on the nightstand between them, bringing it closer to Sam's face.

“Drink up,” Gabriel says, tone serious, but the corners of his mouth are twitching just a bit. “Not that I don’t find the whole situation ridiculous, mind you, but I still feel like it’d be better if you managed to calm down before it gets worse.”

Sam clutches the glass in both hands and tries to take a sip, snorting into the water and spilling it all over, and they look at each other for a brief moment before doubling with laughter.

It takes them several minutes to calm down, but they do, eventually, and Sam feels drained, empty, but calm and content, as if every bad memory that he had got washed away.

“I’m sorry, Gabriel,” Sam says, glad that he got his coherence back. “I shouldn’t have fallen apart like that. I wanted to help you – still do – but somehow managed to flip it all over and go into a full-blown panic attack on you. Wow. I’m such a mess.”

Sam huffs out a laugh, but it’s humourless, and Gabriel doesn’t join in.

“This might be ten kinds of fucked up, but you did help me, Sam. Your reaction… it was nothing that could be expected of Metatron’s constructs, so it’s yet another argument to this whole thing being the real deal. And it’s not that I don’t know it – I mean, I can _feel_ my grace healing up and most of the time I’m _sure_ that it’s all real – it’s just… difficult? So I guess it’s me who should be apologizing here. The way I’ve been acting all this time. I was being… cautious, you know?”

“Yeah, and I don’t blame you, really. I mean, you should have seen me after the cage when all the memories flooded back in. I was losing it by the second. You’re holding up pretty well.”

“Oh I’ll drink to that,” Gabriel says, saluting Sam with the almost empty glass.

“I’m glad that you’re back, you know,” Sam says, smiling. “The old you, I mean. S’good to see you. And I know this shit is tough, and it’s still gonna take you a while to get back completely – been there done that – and I just want to tell you that it’s okay. It’s okay to doubt and question our behaviour, it’s okay to get back to thinking that this is all an illusion, and – I’m gonna be here for you. Whenever you need me, to talk or to have another panic attack just to convince you I’m the real deal, and not Metatron’s puppet.”

Sam chuckles and Gabriel grins, offering him a hand.

“Okay, Sam, deal,” he says, and Sam takes his hand, shaking it, and his face is solemn for all of the five seconds before they are laughing again.

…

It starts getting better after that. Little by little the sassy, snarky archangel is getting back to being his annoying old self, as he likes to call it. Sam, to his own surprise, doesn’t find it annoying at all. He thinks that most likely it’s because Gabriel being – well, _Gabriel_ – is a sign of him getting over Metatron’s brainwashing.

Gabriel still gets nightmares, and Sam still has trouble sleeping, so quite often they end up talking about everything and nothing in particular till sunrise.

Several weeks after their conversation Gabriel pulls his first prank on Dean. The prank itself is pretty innocent, but Dean is outraged and swears up and down to get back at Gabriel. Gabriel says that he can’t wait and Sam is grinning, his smile so big it hurts a little.

Sam and Dean both tell him – again – that he is free to stay with them as long as he wants. Sam says that he can join them on hunts once he’s back at full power. Dean seconds that – as long as Gabriel stays away from his precious baby. Gabriel laughs at that, saying that it’s still a long way away but he appreciates the gesture nonetheless, and agrees to stay in the bunker – if they’re absolutely sure about that – because he enjoys their company.

Gabriel doesn’t confine himself to his room for the most part of the day any longer. Now he’s all over the place, _pretty much like a cat,_ Sam thinks, _you’re absolutely sure that you saw him napping on the couch just a minute ago – and here he is, perched on the library table, reading some obscure old document and laughing his ass off over it._

Next thing Sam notices are the nicknames. Gabriel is prone to them in general, but Sam seems to be his favourite, because there isn’t a single day when Gabriel doesn’t come up with a new one. It’s _‘pass me the sauce, Samwich’_ and _‘can you get that book for me, Samsquatch’_ and _‘time for a movie, Sambo’_ and _‘let’s get rolling, Samster’_ and so many more. Usually Sam just rolls his eyes at every new nickname he gets, but he smiles also, and Gabriel's face lights up every time he sees Sam's smile.

There’s also flirting. At first, Sam pays no attention to it whatsoever, because he believes that Gabriel flirts with everyone, not unlike Dean, and he is actually happy to see Gabriel so fully back to himself that he is comfortable enough to do that. However, when Gabriel talks to Dean it’s mostly to annoy him, although even that is gradually sliding towards good-natured bickering among two friends. When Gabriel talks to Castiel, it’s the older brother teasing his younger sibling, affectionate but sometimes quite mean without getting nasty. When Gabriel talks to others it’s usually witty and good-natured, so that people feel at ease around him almost immediately, a talent that Dean finds very useful when interrogating their witnesses. _And then there’s me,_ Sam thinks. _Gabriel is flirting with nobody else but me._

But soon it escalates even further, and it’s flirting coupled with nicknames. It’s not even Gabriel's usual dirty one-liners, it’s something different altogether, like a _‘you’re working too much, Samwise, time for a little break’_ with Gabriel ruffling Sam's hair on his way out of the library, or a _‘here, Sammykins, I made it to help you concentrate’_ with Gabriel pressing a steaming mug of hot chocolate into Sam's hands with a soft smile and a lingering touch when Sam is up to his ears in research, and each of these moments is filled with tenderness and affection, and Sam honestly doesn’t know what to think other than he doesn’t mind it.

Yeah, he doesn’t mind it at all.

So he should have probably seen it coming, but it is a complete surprise for him – as well as Gabriel – when he comes into Gabriel's room one night to wake him up from the nightmare, and Gabriel is struggling to wake up, clinging to him, so Sam wraps him into a hug, and then his hands come up to cradle Gabriel's face and he leans in and their lips meet in a long, slow, tender kiss.

When they pull back, just a little bit, still barely any space between them, Gabriel huffs out a quiet laugh.

“Did not see that one coming, Sam-a-lamb,” he says.

“Why?” Sam says, lifting an eyebrow. “I might be a little slow on the uptake, but I had to get on with the program eventually.”

“It’s just,” Gabriel says, looking away, suddenly tense, “just that I thought you didn’t feel the same way. Why would you? I’m a fucking mess, and a pretty useless one at that.”

“Hey,” Sam says softly, “hey, Gabe, look at me? Please?”

Slowly Gabriel lifts his head, looking into Sam's eyes, and right there and then Sam knows that he is not letting him go no matter what: as long as Gabriel wants him he is going to stay.

“I’m a fucking mess, too, don’t forget about that,” he says. “So we can be one huge fucking mess together, imagine how much fun _that_ can be.”

And Sam wiggles his eyebrows in his best Gabriel impression.

Gabriel just stares at him for a few seconds, eyes wide, and then bursts out laughing, Sam joining him in a beat.

“Did you just,” Gabriel practically squeals, “did you just – oh, _Sammy_ – that was – incredible!”

They steal laughing kisses off each other’s lips, and it’s something long-forgotten, Sam isn’t sure what it is exactly, but then the feeling rushes over him in a wave. _Happy,_ he thinks, _I feel happy._

“I love you,” Sam says, and he knows it’s probably too soon, but he doesn’t care, because it’s true and he wants the whole world to know it. “I love you.”

Gabriel is still for a split second, and then he pulls Sam into a desperate kiss, and it’s as if he’s trying to pour all of his feelings into this small physical gesture. It speaks for itself, and Sam doesn’t need to hear the words from Gabriel unless he is ready, and he intends to tell him when they pause for breath, but Gabriel beats him to it, and his words fill Sam's heart with a warm glow, and for a brief moment, just before Gabriel kisses him again, he feels like he doesn’t need to breathe.

“I love you too, Samshine,” Gabriel says.

**Author's Note:**

> you can either yell at me here or [on tumblr](http://yes-ima-fluffy-unicorn.tumblr.com/). I'm ready for yelling, that's what I've been doing @ myself the entire time I was writing this. IM SORRY!


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